The Liquor Cabinet

In the last few years it seems that being a teacher and sleeping with your students is the ‘in’ thing to do. So we compiled a list of some of the hottest teachers to, ahem, inappropriately relate with their students.

Cameo Patch
Age at time of offense: 29
Location: Toole County, UT

Occupation: Substitute Teacher
Lover: 17 year-old male student
Crime: Performing oral sex on a minor. Charged with unlawful sexual conduct and lewdness
Sentence: $2000 fine, 36 months probation and ordered to obtain a psycho-sexual evaluation.

Angela Comer
Age at time of offense: 26
Location: Kentucky

Occupation: Middle School Math Teacher
Lover: 14 year-old male student
Crime: Fled the country with a 14-year-old lover and her four-year-old son.
Sentence: Indicted by a grand jury in Kentucky on felony custodial interference, two counts of third-degree sodomy and four counts of unlawful transaction with a minor relating to sexual acts.

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We woke up this morning to a flurry of popular photoshopped images of Obama based upon this photo from a Reuters article.  They’re scattered about, and we dont know who made them, but they’re pretty awesome

Original(titled ‘cool’)

 

Then this one came out, titled ‘Cooler’.

 

Followed by ‘Coolest’

 

And then XKCD chimed in, and called this one ‘coolest-est’.

 

And finally we give you ‘Coolest est est’.  We see a theme here.  A theme of awesome.

 

 

About six weeks ago the sign on the right popped up in a yard that said “John Lebron at 3006 is a felon on probation”. 3006 is the address of the house next door. About three days later, a crudely drawn sign appeared in the yard of 3006 that said “This is true. I was a drug addict, but have been saved by Jesus Christ, my Savior”. That sign lasted only a few days and was eventually replaced by the sign you see here on the left which reads “Our neighbor is impotent and can’t have children”.

Good news for all you criminal justice majors out there. There’s a chance you could get placed at a prison with booze, sports and crazy drunken orgies. According to CNN, one of the nation’s largest prisons in Florida has gone through some serious in-house cleaning:

“Corruption had gone to an extreme,” McDonough said, saying it all began at the top. “They seemed to be drunk half the time and had orgies the other half, when they weren’t taking money and beating each other up.”

Some of the other action included:

• Top prison officials admitting to kickbacks;

• Guards importing and selling steroids in an effort to give them an edge on the softball field;

• Taxpayer funds to pay for booze and women;

Now I’m not saying all prisons should be like this, but should you find yourself working at one, be sure to send your high school guidance counselor something nice.

Meet 19 year old Lynzee Stauss. The author of “College isn’t necessary”. Lynzee believes that women should not have to go to college. Why you ask? Well because the boys should have to, and these boys need to work if they want to have a good life. She believes that a husband should get home from work so she can “go out to eat with all the money he makes and also pay the bills.” You can read the rest of her grammatically amusing article below.

But is this real? Or is it some sort of internet hoax aimed at garnering attention for a website? Well, we did some searching of social networking sites and found Lynzee, added her as a friend, and she accepted. We think she has yet to realize her recent internet fame. Or that all of her photos are going to be circulated around the internet now that they are public domain.

So what do we do now that she has revealed everything to us? We release it, of course. Because even Libby Hoeller knows, once you post something to the internet you can’t take it back.

Below you will find her profile and albums including her mother who undoubtedly is partially responsible for instilling this brilliant logic upon her child. We cant help but wonder, did Lynzee’s mother go to college? Did she find a man who is successful and “treats her like a princess”? We hope not, because uh, well you can see her mother below and draw your own conclusion. (It would be kind of a bum deal for him!)

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