5) The Shotgun

How To: Puncture bottom of beer can, place your mouth on the opening, and open the beer.  This results in beer flowing into your mouth at high rates of speed.

Retarded Acts Of Drinking Shotgun

You would be better off: Just drinking a beer fast.  Shotgunning a beer leaves about 1/4 of your beer on the floor.  Unless you live in a frat house or trailer park there is no reason to shotgun a beer.

4) The Kegstand

How To: Place hands on top of keg and let others lift your legs high above you.  One person will be designated to put the beer nozzle in your mouth once you are in a hand stand position.

You would be better off:

Pouring the beer into a cup like everyone else.  If hand stands are what you’re after, you can try one after you’ve guzzled 6 or 7 beers (preferably near the fire pit).  No one wants your saliva in their beer, the only reason people agree to assist with keg stands is for the possibility of epic failure.

3) 40 Hands

How To: Tape a 40 to each of your hands.  Use duct tape and make sure it is impossible to remove the 40’s without assistance.

Retarded Acts Of Drinking Edward 40 Hands

You would be better off: Just drinking one 40 at a time.  The idea of 40 hands is to drink 80 ounces of beer before you can use your hands again.  Well, most of us know that after a few beers nature will let us know that its our turn to piss all over someones bathroom.  Asking for immunity would result in a list of insults (usually involving female genitalia).  The only way to get out of that duct tape is to drink, and drink fast.  80 ounces of booze in your stomach in a matter of minutes is no picnic, yet this game is probably being played right now somewhere in the world.

2) The Beer Bong

How To: Pour beer into funnel, attach mouth to hose, and guzzle.

Retarded Acts Of Drinking Hot Girl Beer Bong

You would be better off: Much like the shotgun, beer bongs are incredibly wasteful.  If its the oral fixation you’re after; then remove the hose, and place it into a large cup of beer.  Use it like a straw, and be less wasteful.  If you look anything like the girl above, I suggest you tongue the tip of the hose in between drinking.  This will let everyone know that even though you failed at Jenny Craig, you’re still #1 in other areas.

1) The Flaming Shot

How To: Pour shot, light shot on fire, blow fire out, and take the shot.

You would be better off: Actually if you follow the rules above, you will be fine.  Flaming shots are there to dazzle, and you’re ready to become the center of attention.  Show everyone in the room that you’re smarter than a caveman from the Geiko commercials, and blow the fucking flame out first.  If you don’t thats fine, just be sure to get it on tape.

Cajun girls have irresistible accents that make them extra attractive. LSU also has great cheerleaders, and their marching band even gets into the act, featuring a subunit called the LSU Golden Girls.

9. University of Georgia

There’s still a lot of Scarlett O’Hara in Georgia girls. Like most southern women they take a huge amount of pride in their appearance, so it’s unlikely you’re going to see Bulldog girls wearing sweatpants and baggy sweatshirts all that often. Which is a definite plus.

8. Auburn University

Another southern school with girls who know how to look good, Auburn features a huge number of Sorority girls (34 percent of Auburn women pledge). Fall Saturdays features all kinds of hot Auburn girls on display, especially during the “Tiger Walk”, a tradition where fans line Donahue Drive to cheer on the team as they walk from Sewell Hall to the Auburn football stadium.

7. UCLA

Los Angeles features some of the most beautiful women on earth, in small part thanks to UCLA women. Great cheerleaders and an area with tons of girls who want to end up in the entertainment industry equals a pretty high rating.

6. South Carolina

It’s really hard to resist cracking a Gamecocks joke here (even harder than avoiding a “Crimson Tide” one above), so I’ll just say South Carolina women easily live up to their reputation as gorgeous Southern belles.

5. Ole Miss

Anyone who has spent any time in the Grove on a fall Saturday can tell you that Ole Miss is teeming with beautiful women. The football team generally has a tough time, but the girls and tailgating more than makes up for it. Plus you have to love a school where the slogan is “we may have lost the game, but we’ve never lost a party”.

4. University of Florida

The University of Florida takes more pride in its women than the vast majority of schools in America. Any Google Image search with a variation of the words “University of Florida girls” will show you that, and Gator fans definitely are justified in that pride.

3. Florida State University

Florida State’s athletics have fallen from prominence a bit lately, but the school still boasts some of the best looking women in America. Florida State features Uber Seminoles fan Jenn Sterger, a girl made famous simply for showing up to Florida State football games wearing very little.

2. University of Southern California

USC has the hottest cheerleaders, hands down, in the country, and that excellence filters down to the rest of the student body. You really can’t lose going to school at either of the major Los Angeles universities.

1. Arizona State University

When first making this list, USC was slotted in at the top, but after doing some research it became clear that Arizona State was going to have to be #1. Arizona State girls seemingly go to great lengths at sporting events to outdo one another when it comes to hotness, which is great since we all benefit from their competitiveness. A website/calendar company called Tempe12 started by selling a calendar filled with hot Arizona State women out of a guy’s bedroom, and was so successful its now a large and thriving business. That tells you everything you need to know.

Surprising fact not too many people probably realize: USF is the ninth largest school in the country, as measured by student population. Not so surprising fact: lots and lots of hot girls go to USF, drawn by the gorgeous Tampa weather.

19. Washington

The Huskies features lots of hot back to nature type of girls who are attending the school because of the beautiful natural setting. Mt. Ranier is visible from campus, and the school sits at the edge of the Union and Portage Bays.

18. Alabama

Getting seriously into the stereotypical southern college girl when it comes to the University of Alabama, and that’s a good thing. These girls are nearly always in tip top shape and looking their best, leading to their high ranking. They wear dresses to football games, what more can you ask for?

17. University of Miami (FL)

Like UCLA, Miami’s campus is located in a place known for its beautiful women. This definitely extends to the campus as tons of hot girls are drawn to attend by the Miami sunshine.

16. Kansas

Jayhawk women are as passionately invested in their basketball teams as anyone else around, and while their beauty is of the salt of the earth country variety it can’t be downplayed. Kansas is unfairly maligned as flyover country, but you’re missing out on some real gems if you think that way.

15. Clemson

We’re going to establish pretty clearly in this list that southern girls are pretty hot, and Clemson girls are a great example. Kind of a middle of the pack ACC school, but they have some of the hottest women in the conference. Major bonus points for their knockout cheerleaders.

14. Cal

Cal has a long tradition of being a politically active campus, so if you’re into the save the world types you’ll probably find a girl right up your alley in Berkeley. Plus pole vaulting internet legend Allison Stokke goes there, so that’s a pretty big plus.

13. Arkansas

Anyone who has lived in the south can tell you about southern girls, and they are still plenty hot even in states that have less than stellar reputations. Hoo pig sooey! But totally in a good way.

12. Texas

One word: chaps. They make for some of the hottest cheerleaders in the country. Like Ohio State, the University of Texas is absolutely massive, so no matter your taste in women you’ll be able to find it here.

11. Oregon

Oregon is supposedly one of the healthiest states in the country, and you can absolutely see that represented with its college women. The Ducks football jerseys take a lot of heat, but in my opinion they actually work on females. The colors especially look great on Ducks cheerleaders.

I’m sure Dick Vitale would have Duke’s women #1 in the land, but I think this is pretty fair. I’m sure Duke fans will be upset when they see further down the list that North Carolina has trumped them again.

29. Utah

Everyone knows it I think, Mormon girls are generally pretty hot. But I’m guessing you get a slightly less crazy student body at Utah than you do at BYU, which is why we went with the Utes for our list.

28. North Carolina

Powder blue is a good color on most girls, and UNC co-eds wear it especially well. They also have a reputation as being slightly less bookish than their Duke counterparts, which, for the purposes of this list anyway, is a good thing.

27. Michigan State

Michigan State girls have the reputation of being a little slower than their Michigan sisters who go to school in Ann Arbor. But who cares when they look like this? I’d definitely prefer to find myself in Lansing.

26. UNLV

You know that girls attending college in Sin City are going to be hot. Common sense would suggest the student stripper population is probably higher at UNLV than any other college in the country.

25. Tennessee

From Rocky Top:

Once I had a girl on Rocky Top,
Half bear the other half cat;

Pretty much sums it up.

24. Ohio State

Ohio State is usually the largest University in the country (sometimes slipping to number two behind Texas), so it’s pretty much impossible not to find gorgeous girls. When you’ve got a sample size of 25k+ you’re always going to be in good shape.

23. Kentucky

Kentucky girls are some of the sweetest you’ll ever find, and if you’re a basketball fan then these girls are right up your alley because they are probably more basketball crazy than any other college in the country. Legend has it they make pretty sweet mint juleps too.

22. Wisconsin

When I started this list I had Wisconsin buried in the bottom half of this list, but I had to bump them after seeing picture after picture of ridiculously hot Badger women. Maybe its the cheese, I’m not sure. But they certainly earned their bump.

21. Arizona

I never thought of Arizona as a hot girl mecca, but apparently I should have. Arizona women are smoking hot, appropriately enough for the climate.

Stanford girls get an unfair reputation for being bookish and not all that attractive, but if you want to date a future political power player or high profile attorney this is the place to go. And power (not to mention money) is pretty hot.

39. Iowa

University of Iowa girls are stereotypically innocent and pure of heart, possibly because of all the stereotypical corn they are eating. But then again there’s the old stereotype about the farmer’s daughter … which to believe?

38. Purdue

Purdue and Indiana probably should have been tied for this list, but we’ll give the edge to Purdue based on the slightly higher perceived intelligence.

37. Penn State

The girls here live in a place called Happy Valley. The name holds up. Plus they can apparently hold things with their feet, which is weirdly awesome.

36. Oklahoma

Oklahoma girls clearly know how to dress for a football game. Major points for that.

35. Nebraska

When even the mascot mentions corn I think you know what you’re getting into here. More with the wholesome and sweet.

34. Colorado

Hot girls aren’t just attracted to beaches and sunshine, they also love the snow. The University of Colorado has had a ski club since 1933, and it’s the largest collegiate ski club in the country.

33. North Carolina State

North Carolina State suffers in comparison to its rival in Chapel Hill, but it shouldn’t because the girls here are top notch. North Carolina must be a great place to go to school pretty much no matter what college you choose to attend.

32. Michigan

Michigan is one of the finer public schools in the country, so not only will you find some hot girls, she’ll probably be able to hold a conversation with you.

31. Vanderbilt

Vanderbilt spends much of its time getting pushed around the SEC, what with it being the token “smart” school in the conference, but its women manage to hold their own. You get a particularly wealthy and cultured type of southern girl at Vanderbilt. Also, most of the girls are in sororities, which means they are probably easy and drunk most of the time. Or maybe I’ve watched too many college movies, one or the other.

Nothing better than a hot girl who is also smart, and the University of Illinois embraces that belief to the fullest. A creative student at UofI put together a “Girls of Engineering” for the 2007 year and the picture above graced the cover. Sign me up for the 2008 edition.

49. Missouri

University of Missouri women love their football, and they had a lot to cheer about this past season when the Tigers finished fifth in the country. And we have a lot to cheer about when it comes to fans that look like the two above.

48. Pacific

The University of the Pacific has been the setting for many Hollywood movies, including Raiders of the Lost Ark. Which I’m sure is what brings in the hotties. That or the beautiful California weather. Either way, Pacific boasts a 58% female population, making it an ideal setting for any guy.

47. Maryland

Like any big public university you’ve got a deep pool of female undergrads to choose from. Many of whom probably chose the University because they couldn’t get into Georgetown (not to mention the allure of the cute turtle mascot). This can be a good thing.

46. Oregon State

Oregon State features the reigning Playmate of the Year in Sara Jean Underwood. If the cream of the crop is that good the rest can’t be all that bad.

45. Virginia Tech

If a science or math geek is your kind of girl, then don’t look any further than a Polytechnic Institute. Wikipedia says the “agriculture, engineering, architecture, forestry, and veterinary medicine departments” are considered the strongest at Virginia Tech, and you can’t tell me that a girl who is into forestry wouldn’t be a good time.

44. Louisville

A Louisville cheerleader had a scandal last fall, pretty much right out of every guy’s biggest fantasy. Graphic photos of Becca Manns began popping up in Google Image searches and on porn sites, allegedly stolen from a lost memory stick that belonged to her camera. So UofL has some fairly awesome cheerleaders, enough to land them here on our list.

43. Indiana

Everyone loves the corn fed midwestern girls, including Newsweek who recently named Indiana University “the hottest big state school in the nation”. I’m not sure they were talking about the same thing we’re discussing here, but it works.

42. TCU

Which to believe, the “Christian” or the mascot which might as well be called a horny toad? Either way, there’s nothing wrong with a nice girl going through her wild college phase, and there are plenty of hot girls at TCU doing just that.

41. Washington State

The girls of Pullman are are very solid, and the school is blessed with some of the hottest cheerleaders in the country (as you can see above).

Prankster: “You’ll get so wasted!”
Naive Freshman: “I’m willing to take that risk though, because I’m in college!”