The Liquor Cabinet

Retarded acts of drinking are nothing like the conventional ‘drinking game’.  They cannot be classified as drinking games because there is really no way to win.  Peer pressure, bad judgment, and a need for attention will almost guarantee that you’ll be the moron performing one of these acts.  We’ve singled out 5 of the most pointless, so that you may think back to this article when you’re being hoisted high above a keg this weekend.

5) The Shotgun

How To: Puncture bottom of beer can, place your mouth on the opening, and open the beer.  This results in beer flowing into your mouth at high rates of speed.

Retarded Acts Of Drinking Shotgun

You would be better off: Just drinking a beer fast.  Shotgunning a beer leaves about 1/4 of your beer on the floor.  Unless you live in a frat house or trailer park there is no reason to shotgun a beer.

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If you’re on the internet, which you are, by the way, you’ve probably got a profile on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, LiveJournal, Craigs List or all of the above, enjoying the company of hundreds of friends who you know will never ask to borrow your car.

Unfortunately, people from your past are looking for you. People you had hoped would stay forgotten. And your internet listing has made it very easy for them to find you.

They are…

What They’ll Say:

Hi there! Long time no see! Just over here in Liverpool and killing time before the Premier League match – downing a few pints, you know? – and spotted you on the internet. I might have found you earlier, but there’s no internet in South America (at least, not worth using and the net cafes were too expensive in Japan.

I’m moving around a fair bit at the moment, so here’s a link to my travel blog so you can keep track of where I am. Be sure to take a look at the pics I took while trekking in Nepal. It’s an amazing place. Have you been? How’s it going? Drop us a line.

What They’ll Really Mean:

Look at how many countries I’ve been to. I’m better than you.

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I want you all to look at this column as a summer reading list. These are the 10 beers you must drink this summer. Some of these beers you are probably very familiar with, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale for example. Think back when is the last time you had an ice cold Sierra Nevada Pale Ale on a 90 degree day? This is all about rediscovering some classics and finding new favorites.

There are a ton of other great beers out there to beat the heat. Alaskan Summer Ale and Yuengling Lager come to mind. That being said I am trying to make sure these beers have a wider distribution so that all reading this column can enjoy.

Victory Prima Pils

10. Victory Prima Pils – The perfect BBQ beer. This beer has the body and flowery aroma of a pilsner but is one of the hoppiest pilsners on the market. This allows Prima Pils to stand up to the spiciness of peppery BBQ’ed meat coming off of your grill. Prima Pils also has a great sparkling carbonation that not only is refreshing but will cleanse the pallete of thick BBQ sauces and pasta/potato salads.

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So I’ve had the same 17inch HP laptop for going on 5 years now.  It’s been a solid piece of machinery but is well past its expiration date.  I’ve been debating on switching to a mac this past year.  Thing is, the thought of paying the premium price for the same (or usually less) hardware simply because it’s so damn pretty always felt like a kick in the balls.  Problem is I was hacking away on my sister’s macbook while we were in FLorida for a few days and fell in love with it.

So after 365 days of mental masturbation over this laptop purchase, I make my way to Best Buy.  It is now time to pull the trigger and I want to be ABSOLUTLEY certain that I shoudn’t stick with Windows.  Hell, Windows has been with me my whole life, do I really want to jump ship?

So I enter Best Buy and head down the main hallway.  Dead ahead is the PC/laptop area, with the Apple display off to the right.  As I hit the PC section, I get hit with a sign from God.

I stop just long enough to snap this shot with my phone and immediately head to the mac display with a new found confidence  about my decision.

*This post has been written on my  new aluminum macbook and I couldn’t be happier with the choice.

I guess when you’re getting fired soon you dont care WHAT the hell you do.  And if you’re President Bush, that includes flashing the shocker with a bunch of your staff.  We found this directly on the White House website, so yeah it’s definitely real.

Link for the non-believers